Sunday, February 06, 2005

So I never went. I told S about the lawyer guy and he thought it unsafe for me to meet a stranger I met over the internet all by myself. Never mind that it was lunch and a public place. But I guess being ambivalent initially, this gave me the perfect excuse to bail out. Also, I felt that after the first meeting, I would have to keep up regular contact, and it seemed like too much of an effort at this point (when old friends haven't been written to in ages, but then old friends don't write to me for ages!). Besides, I really really didn't want to drive to Long Beach.

Yesterday, I was at the gym and fretting about not being able to go and explore the city as much as I was like to, given my precarious finances. I worried about not being able to smell and see and touch the ocean, not being able to see the miniature sailboats, the size of Em's sugar spoons, floating precariously, so vulnerable and yet so resilient. I haven't been on one in a while, telling myself that I'm jaded with the whole sailing around Marina Del Rey thing. That I'd only deign to get on a boat for some "real" sailing, for a trip down the coast. And then when I was walking out of the gym, I looked up to the sky. And it was the time of the evening when the LA sky is so fluid, so transient. And the colour of the sky was beautiful, a rich, intense and yet sophisticated blue, and it reminded me of Nicole Kidman's gown from the Golden Globes. Nothing interrupted the expanse of the sky, except a tiny plane flying to LAX and some slender palm trees. At that moment, I didn't miss the ocean, it was almost as if the colour that LA's muddy Pacific waters lack had been sucked up by the sky. And as Ileana once said to me, what strikes you immediately about LA is the scale. So dramatic, grand, expansive, belittling almost. The sky seemed never-ending.

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